It's been a while.

I have not written in a long time. I was caught up with debate and exams and other things that generally make life more stressful and less fun. I was really really excited about Obama's inauguration. In the vein of my lack of writing I slept through the inauguration. I woke up at 3 o clock on the afternoon of January 20th. I sauntered downstairs to my empty living room. I realized that I had slept through not only the inauguration, but also my parents' inauguration party. There was cold pizza left though. That was nice. My mom left a note on the kitchen table. It read: "Congratulations Mike, you managed to sleep through the most historically meaningful event of your life. I hope you're proud." I was. I had never slept that late in my life it was a big step for me.
I have also changed my schedule at school. I dropped my favorite class (Literature of war) in favor of having extra time to work on lacrosse, and replaced it with Science Fiction Literature. This trade seems a little bit regretable at least after two days of sci-fi. I simply couldn't be more bored. Every conversation seems like it is going to end up going in the same direction, at least in my mind. Blah blah Heidegger blah blah ontology blah blah technology. At a certain point I am probably bound to get sick of it unless I can bring a new interesting perspective to this class, but I probably won't.
Today I was listening to "Heaven is a Place on Earth" by Belinda Carlisle (Pause for laughter) it's embarrassing I know. This lead me to go on a small existentialist tangent inside my head. If you take for granted that Heaven is in fact a place on Earth then it is only a reasonable extrapolation that Hell is also a place on Earth. So where are Heaven and Hell on Earth? Apparently they are geographically distinguishable on Earth according to the former lead singer of the G0-gos. I have decided that Heaven and Hell are probably pretty close to each other. In fact I have also concluded that they are near my house. Specifically that the Rio shopping center might just be Heaven, but the Golf outlet inside of it is most certainly Hell. The two of them are inseperable, but all of the people at the Golf store are unsufferable assholes.
There is a shortage of funding for hospitals in modern society. People just don't seem to care anymore. Hospitals are understaffed and the employees are overworked. I think there is a solution to this problem. The sale of hospital food to the general public. I mean if I were hungry and I drove by suburban hospital and I knew I could drop 6 bucks on a burger some fries and a coke I know I would. The hospitals would be able to support themselves and there would be a delicious stop on the way home from school. It would also stop people from laughing at me about the time we were high and I suggested we eat hospital food.

Slim Pickinz

I'd like to introduce Slim Pickinz. He is a high school running back in NCAA 2008. He is from Dover Base Hsg in Delaware. Slim is a high school senior, and he must use the Delaware state playoffs to showcase himself for colleges. His first challenge is to lead underdog Funkytown High past perennial powerhouse Wilmington High School.

A stunning performance from the often impressive senior sparked a 62-37 upset. Pickinz ran for 326 yards and 6 touchdowns on only 13 carries. He is starting to attract some serious attention from the scouts. Maybe he'll fulfill his life's dream of playing football at Cal. Next up is a talented Brookside squad. Let's hope that Slim Pickinz can keep his game face on.

A 52-10 thrahshing of Brookside occurred despite a lackluster performance from Pickinz. While his 177 yards and 3 touchdowns were alright his 4 fumbles were unacceptable. He is going to need to bring his best to the semifinals against Lewes. Pickinz needs to turn some heads if he's going to have Pac-10 scouts at the Delaware state championship next week.

Pickinz was unable to produce especially jawdropping numbers, but he was still impressive running for 236 yards and 2 touchdowns with only 15 touches. He also finally went a game without fumbling. Most of his yards came on two early touchdown runs of 85 and 81 yards. Funkytown defeated Lewes 24-17 to advance to the state championship against Kent Acres and give Slim Pickinz some time in the national spotlight.

A solid 184 yards with 2 touchdowns on 22 carries pushed Funkytown past Kent Acres and into Delaware state history as the only high school named after a crappy song that's stuck in my head ever to win a state championship. Slim Pickinz attracted quite a following as scouts from both USC and Cal were in attendance to observe his performance.

Slim Pickinz has found his way into the second string position on the University of California Golden Bears' running back depth chart. With his dream of becoming a star there with arms reach we will leave him for now. Don't worry I'll get bored tomorrow and Slim's tale will continue.

Mornings

I woke up today at 7:15. For those of you who haven't noticed today is shitdamn Saturday. I don't know what I did to deserve this, or why my interview this morning was so far away or so early, but I was forced to suffer through that, and now I am exhausted. It's also exams, which just adds another inconvenience to my life. I haven't done anything this week, except take exams and study for exams. The only productive thing I have done since the last post I wrote is discover the truly racist nature of McDonald's snack wraps. It's FRIED CHICKEN RAPPED IN A TORTILLA!! McDonald's is marketing to a pretty specific demographic now aren't they? Speaking of marketing I'm pretty sure the General Knowledge Bureau has the worst acronym ever for an information agency. Their website is KGB.com. KGB? Really? It's pretty clear that they are just excommunists who stole KGB intelligence and brought it with them overseas. They are probably still watching us even now, so that they can make sure they know EVERYTHING.
I recently sent a text message to my friend that read "I was tryna cop some jont and my man cised me. You tryna chill for a minute?" He responded "Dank dank." This conversation never actually happened, but it totally could have. I have realized that my friends and I converse in a language all our own. It is not like a sneaky drug code. That conversation could have been about anything from pot to sandwiches. When I write I avoid using this crazy vernacular, but I'd like to take a moment here to introduce and maybe analyze the etymology of the way we speak.

Tryna- Literally means trying to. It could be sexual (are you tryna with that girl?) or platonic (I'mma go to six flags. You tryna?)
Jont- Pretty much any noun. It literally could mean anything. (Lemme see that jont. I'm tryna get some jont. Where's my jont?) Jont is a strange mutation of the word joint I think. (also Jank Jams Janx-A-lanx Jiggidy-Jont Jontpiece)
Finna- Literally fixing to, it's like tryna but it can't stand alone. You can say I'm tryna but not I'm finna unless finna has an object
Cise - To give (Cise me that jont) I can't even explain where that came from.
Jonefest- Something especially exciting (Look at that jonefest!) Matt made this word up I was there.
Ballstown- Matt's favorite place in the world. This word only comes up when Matt is talking or people are making fun of him. He made this up too. (Hey guys I'm Matt, jonefest ballstown jonefest ballstown)
Dank - Either high quality weed (I'm blazin' that dank) or an adjective meaning exceptionally good (Man this sandwich is dank) I think this comes from the actual word dank which means wet, and sticky is close to wet . . . it makes sense to me.
Dank Dank - an expression of approval (You wanna get dinner? Dank dank) or really good weed (I got some of that dank dank)

That's enough slang for now. I think you understand that while most of our language isn't original it is certainly not English. I really am just gonna start rambling if I don't stop soon, and I really need to play some NHL 09.

Music

Yesterday I just wrote a list of movie quotes. I realized that the movies I chose said a lot about me as a person, or at least I think they did. Given that I decided that my musical taste is also probably pretty important. Before I start talking about albums I love, I need to begrudgingly give credit to my good friend Matt who introduced me to a lot of the rap on this list.

5 albums I really like (in no particular order)

1. Somewhere in the Between - Streetlight Manifesto: The fast paced horns complement the guitar well on this fast paced album with its strange themes of death and sadness. The themes of the album don't seem to fit the musical style, yet strangely they are worked in with a deftness that borders on astounding. As far as ska albums go this is the top of the pile. The best songs are probably 40 days and The Receiving End of it All. Both songs have well written lyrics to go with well synchronized musicianship that makes them two of my favorite songs.

2. Theater of The Mind - Ludacris: This album includes what may well be my favorite rap song ever: Undisputed featuring Floyd "Money" Merryweather. The song includes references to various sports teams as well as an inordinate amount of talk about Luda's penis. The intro to the album is a British man yelling, which is always fun, and the second song begins with "I'm the MVP. I'm stupid with this rap shit" It is a fitting start to an absurdly aggressive album. I was impressed. This is definitely Ludacris's best work

3. Sublime - Sublime: An obvious choice, but that's because it's an absolute classic. It contains all of Sublime's best work. Santeria, Wrong Way, What I Got, and Doin' Time are all there. Those songs are all absolutely fantastic. The mix of fast paced songs and mellow jams makes this album a perfect mix to blaze/relax to.

4. The Quilt - Gym Class Heroes: This album moved Gym Class Heroes into "band I actively try to listen to" status. Prior to The Quilt I thought that GCH was an ok band, but all of their songs were basically the same. This album includes some straight up rap, as well as some more instrumental/singing centric songs, and even a few ska-esque tunes that are really sweet. The first several tracks are all fantastic especially, Peace Sign/Index Down, Blinded by the Sun, Guilty as Charged, and Catch Me If You Can.

5. Icky Thump - White Stripes: This album takes Jack White's impressive musical talent and uses it to produce 14 very distinctly different songs. Conquest is in a traditional Spanish style, while Prickly Thorn, but Sweetly Worn is very clearly Irish. Even the songs that are in a rock and roll style are different as Icky Thump and Martyr for my Love for you are two very different sounds.

I would really suggest looking up and listening to these albums if you haven't. I'll make a real post later. I'm in stats right now, so I can't focus on thinking about a post.

My movie thingy

So today I was introduced to an exercise where you pick fifteen of your favorite movies and then pick a favorite quote and post them online somewhere. Then people can try and guess the movies. Here we go.

1. Come on! Toilets are always funny!

2. And so, the draft will being tomorrow as more and more troops are needed to invade the Canadian border. The Canadian government pleads for a peaceful resolution, but naturally, we're not listening

3. The deadliest weapon in the world is a marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead marines and then you will be in a world of shit because marines are not allowed to die without permission. Do you maggots understand?

4. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

5. What is that ringing? Do I have a tumor?

6.One day my father just said, "Goddamn it, you're seventeen, stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job!"

7. - You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.
-What did you have for dinner?
-Was it cocaine?

8. Great moments... are born from great opportunity. And that's what you have here, tonight, boys. That's what you've earned here tonight. One game. If we played 'em ten times, they might win nine. But not this game. Not tonight. Tonight, we skate with them. Tonight, we stay with them. And we shut them down because we can! Tonight, WE are the greatest hockey team in the world. You were born to be hockey players. Every one of you. And you were meant to be here tonight. This is your time. Their time is done. It's over. I'm sick and tired of hearing about what a great hockey team the Soviets have. Screw 'em. This is your time. Now go out there and take it.

9. Look, man, if there's one thing I know, it's how to drive while I'm stoned. You know your perception is completely fucked so you just let your hands work the controls as if you were straight.

10. He's blond, he's pissed, he'll see you in the lists, Lichtenstein! He's blond, he's tanned, he comes from Gelderland, he comes from Gelderland! Gelderland, Gelderland, Gelderland... Gelderland, Gelderland, Gelderland.

11. Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.

12.You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!

13. I play hockey and I fornicate, 'cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather.

14. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

15.-We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
-Martha Stewart.
-Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man. So fuck off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns.


Now go ahead and tell me the movies these come from.

Back to school

I'm in stats class. I had thought that going back to school after a mind-numbingly boring break would be a good thing. It would much of the empty time of my day with much needed rigor and activity. I could not have been more wrong. I am sitting in a chair at a pod with three of my good friends listening to Winston talk about Y-vars and Y-bars maybe even Y-cars. What is the mean duration of time until I off myself with the calculator in my backpack? I can't even muster the energy to pretend I'm paying attention at this point. No one in this class is even making a semblance of an effort to focus. For fuck's sake Winston didn't even know we had class today. He's asking to check our homework. No one has their homework it's been three fucking weeks. This is such a travesty who would possibly have it? Ok well half of my pod had it, but Jeeeezus Christ that's absurd.
There are a bunch of good horror movies coming out this winter. I'm kinda psyched for them. I don't now why. I'm normally a pretty intellectual person, but I like mindless horror films. They are endlessly amusing. They also have awful titles. "The Unborn" "The Uninvited "The Haunting in Connecticut" Those are really really boring titles. The only one of these stupid movies with a decent title is "My Bloody Valentine" too bad that's the name of a band. "The Haunting in Connecticut" and "The Unborn" both look pretty interesting. They are about super natural madness and ghosts and things. Those are always interesting. "My Bloody Valentine" looks sweet because it just seems like a psycho kill-fest and it's in 3-D which could be neat. It also has a sweet ad campaign: "Nothing says date movie like a 3-D ride to hell" I can't help but agree. The seven circles seem like an ideal place to take a girl when you are trying to spit game.
While I'm on the subject of ad campaigns, I'd like to address this Whopper Virgin madness. I want to make this totally clear. I think that might be the funniest thing ever. They take people from random places where apparently the BK lounge has been unable to take hold. They then give these people a Big Mac and a Whopper and ask them to choose which is more delicious. The best part about this is that they find the people who best meet western conceptions of people from Nepal, Transylvania, etc. Most of the time the people pick the Whopper though they have chosen the Big Mac and I think it is pretty good of BK to show those dissenters in their big compilation commercial. The cavalcade of commercial comedy ends with the quote that was my facebook status for most of a week. "Was that good for you Whopper virgin?" Thusly I would put in place Lux's first rule of advertising. This is a rule based on what we learned both from the Whopper virgins and "My Bloody Valentine" The rule is this: Sex jokes in commercials are always funny and effective, so use them well and your product will sell.

happy "new" year

It's a new year, and of course the new one feels just like the old one. If anything else it's even more boring. I have had the two most boring days of my life consecutively this year. It doesn't even make sense that January first is the new year. We have no idea where the Earth was in its rotation when it started. So why is 1/1 so fucking special? I'm pretty sure it's not I'll be honest, but I'll never pass up a justification for a party. I was having fun with life for a long stretch of this break it was eventful and fun. I am really quite bored now. There is little and less to do these days. I have found some good new music, and some fun video games that kept me occupied for stretches, but now I am forced to try and find the glory in nothingness, and I really can't. There is probably some zen element to all of this. My constant need to do stuff and my inability to sit still probably prevents me from reaching enlightenment. I mean there is a lot to be said for letting life happen to you, but I don't think you can sit in your house and wait for it. I think a part of letting life happen to you is jumping into life. You have to jump in 100% naked and headfirst, but that's really the only way to live, so I don't know if I think boredom is anything more than an urge to get back into the flow of life.
Today I was told to clean my room. My parents clearly don't see the beauty of chaos. I don't think order makes anything more effective, just more boring. Finding sweet stuff in the mess of my room is one of the best things ever, yet apparently that is unacceptable if I don't know where everything is, which kinda defeats the purpose. I'm looking at my room and it occurs to me that the mess has just been relocated. Apparently my dresser is a better place to make dirty than my floor. No one ever goes to my room anyway. I'm not usually home and no one else goes there. The Dutch used to say cleanliness was next to Godliness. I am becoming convinced that it is the opposite. Paradise was the disordered madness of Eden. That was life before we knew what mess was. I think that means that the peak of human existence is a nice shit storm like my room. Blissful madness is better than obsessive compulsive cleanliness in my mind at least.